It’s my blog and I’ll cry if i want to

Orginally Posted: July 2020

I just want to preface this blog with: I’m writing this for me, but if someone else out there reads this and enjoys it…great.

For me, writing gives me a release. I do it just because it’s fun and I like words and I like reading things in my own voice.

But, I feel like ever since the pandemic started…I’ve been in a creative rut. I don’t want to write, I don’t want to read, I’m depressed, and most days I’m just trying to hold it together.

The last two months, things have been even more amplified because not only are we in a global pandemic but now we are also in a freaking revolution.

I’m tired. Truly.

So all of the energy that I’ve been able to muster has been used towards my job (Thank God I still have one the way this recession is about to hit). So, most days I’m low energy and low ambition.

But something about today felt different.

Today I was super stressed out with work, hungry, tired…and I thought to myself: You need to do something for YOU.

I feel like as black women we spend so much time pouring into others, but who is pouring into us?

This blog is my self-care for today.

But the caveat is: Today’s blog can’t be written for the approval of anyone else, just for myself.

I don’t consider myself a “creative” because I hardly create, but as a “creative” there’s so much pressure to create content for other people. To create a perfect IG feed. To make sure my grid coordinates. To blog about things that are relevant or that might bring more blog traffic or trend.

But I’m canceling that.

I’m canceling the pressure to “grow my blog”, to create content users find interesting, to create shareable content.

Today, I’m just creating. I’m just existing.

I’m doing away with my desire to always be perfect. To make sure things are “just right”.

Instead, I’m going to just be. Because that is enough. And that’s a revolutionary act, since we are in a revolution.

So I’m going to start over again, because I can and because I feel like it.

Because you can start your life or your day or your week or your plans over whenever you feel like it.

I had a lot of plans for 2020. BIG PLANS, including a lot of big plans for this blog.

But I’m letting go of everything I thought this year would be and now I’m ready to make and create space for what it is.

I’m going to rest and exist in this space. I’m going to create content that makes me happy. And if it makes someone else happy, cool.

But, let’s take the pressure off…because it’s been a year. (And it’s only July).