5 Ways to Protect Your Peace During "Hey Stranger" Season
You know how Christmas season is considered “The Most Wonderful Time of The Year”? Well, for some women across America, Fall can be the beginning of “The Most Tragic Time of The Year”.
Why? Because, it’s the start of Homecoming Season, Cuffing Season, and all of those lead to... “Hey Stranger” Season.
Men *and women* are ready to settle down after a Hot Girl/Boy Summer and they’re shooting all of their shots. They’re casting a wide net to all of the potential women that they might catch. You’ll notice an influx of texts from people you haven’t spoken to in months, men suddenly laughing at every Instagram story you post, liking a ton of pictures, and posting carefully curated tweets and stories about being ready to settle down. You may even here from exes and past lovers. The beginning of “Hey Stranger” Season can be a wonderful time, maybe you’ll find love. Or, maybe...you’ll open your heart to the wrong person, let back in someone you should have cut off, and entertain energy that isn’t vibrating at the same frequency as yours.
So, how can you protect yourself and your energy during this season?
Open and honest communication
Before you can have honest communication with someone else, be honest with yourself. Ask yourself, what is it that you’re looking for at the moment? Why am I entertaining this person? What does this relationship/interaction add to my life? Am I lonely, am I looking for a good time, am I looking for love?
Once you know exactly what it is that you’re looking for in a relationship, don’t be afraid to communicate that to the other person.
It may look like, “Hey, it appears in your approach that you’re looking for something casual right now, and in this season of my life, I’m only making time for people with serious intentions.” Or, it may look like asking them what they’re looking for from the beginning. “What made you want to slide in my dms? What are you intentions?”. We are grown, don’t worry about being too direct. The best way to avoid having your time wasted, is figuring out their intentions for your time.
And make sure they LISTEN to you. The best way to protect your energy, is not wasting your energy on someone that ignores your needs. If you say you’re looking for a relationship and they say they’re looking for something non-committal, but they keep pursuing you...they don’t respect you.
2.Maintain personal values
You know what’s important to you. You know what you want out of life and in this current season. Don’t compromise your desires and values because it’s getting cold out and he says all the right things. Yes, he’s charming. Yes, he’s showing interest. But, if you know that communication is really important to you and he hits you up once a week because he’s “busy” or he’s “not the best with texting or phone calls”, let him go. You’re settling and you deserve more than giving your love to someone that can’t or won’t love you the way you need to be loved.
Protecting your energy means giving your energy to someone that can reciprocate it.
3. Appreciate your current season
When we don’t appreciate the season that we are currently in, we often take short cuts and settle to try to rush and get to the next season. That could look like, texting back guys you should leave on read because engagement season is coming and you’re wondering when it will be your time. It could also look like, jumping into relationships with people that drain you, because you’re so ready to pour into someone else, you’re skipping the process of pouring into yourself.
There’s a purpose to every season of your life. You will never get this time in your life back. We often look back at our teen years and wish we had taken the time to enjoy being a kid, not having responsibilities, and the freedom of our whole future ahead of us. One day, you may be a wife or a mom, and you’ll look back at this season and long for the hours you have to yourself, the quiet house you come home to, the freedom to pack your bags and travel without discussing it with anyone else.
Cherish this season of solitude.
Use this season to do all of the things you may not be able to do in a few months or a few years.
Slow down. Protect your peace, by not rushing ahead and having someone disrupt it.
4. Identify triggers
Know yourself and the things/seasons/people that trigger you. Are you triggered around Sweetest Day (Midwestern thing) and know that around that time you let your guard down and entertain people you wouldn’t normally entertain? Try to find things to keep you busy and be extremely intentional with how you interact with people during that time. Maybe your trigger is your ex, once you know that...act accordingly. Maybe your conversations with him take you to a darker place and that “Hey Stranger/Hey Big Head” text is going to undo all the progress you’ve made during this season, maybe you need to block him.
If you truly want to cultivate healthy relationships and maintain/protect your peace, you have to be real with yourself about who disrupts that peace.
5. Cut it
In the words of icons ChloeXHalle “Cut that MF Loose!” In order to protect your peace and your heart during this season, some people can’t come along for the ride. Maybe you’re inclined to respond to that “Hey Stranger” text because you see his potential, don’t try to fix him sis, let him go. He pops up every season on the same ol’, same ol’. You know this. Block his number and flourish.
You are deserving of so many beautiful moments and memories and I don’t want to see any woman, myself included, sacrifice their peace or hurt their hearts because they are caught off guard by “Hey Stranger” Season.
Recognize the signs and take the necessary actions to make sure that you are only accepting people into your life that give you the consistency, respect, stability, and other qualities that you deserve.